Guest Blog by Dick S. Forbes: Professional Victims

Are you a Professional Victim or Involved with Someone who is? 

The following characteristics are signs that you may be a professional victim or are involved with one.  (If you are a Professional Victim just remember, it’s somebody else’s fault.)

1) They never acknowledge when they hurt others. They have exclusive rights to the role of “injured party.” When you call them on their bad behavior, they blame, rationalize, make excuses and justify the behavior. “It’s different when I do it.” Blame is assigned to someone else. Just remember, it’s always your fault or someone else’s fault, but never, ever is it their fault.

2) The victim must be victimized. If you’re not an abusive person, they will pull it out of you in order to play the victim script they have in their head. For example, they will do and say things to push your buttons until you finally explode. The professional victim has gotcha! It’s like the old Green Stamps our moms use to collect, you get enough stamps and you can cash them in on their emotional prize. Now they can play the innocent victim to you, the bad guy.  (What a fun relationship this is!)

3) The professional victim never takes responsibility for themselves.  Let me say this one more time, they never ever take responsibility for their behavior. They blame others and circumstances for their failures and short comings. By not taking responsibility, they can blame the rest of the world for their problems, parents, bosses, ex’s, you, siblings, the cashier at the grocery store.  “If only my boss recognized my great talents,” or “I would be nicer to you if you did x or y for me”. It is always somebody else’s fault.

To have a loving, reciprocal relationship with a professional victim is impossible. In a healthy relationship, individuals take responsibility for things said and done. The professional victim feels slighted, angry and never takes any responsibility for their behavior. Let’s say you try to have a reasonable, adult conversation with the professional victim. You will be met with excuses, blaming, rationalization and justification for their behavior, “it’s different when I do it.”

This is who they are, their identity is found in being a victim.  Their life is really being thrown away. It is impossible to have a relationship with a professional victim who holds you hostage through guilt, obligation and emotional blackmail. The professional victim rarely changes, but they can.

Dick Forbes, MA, can be reached at www.forbescounseling.com, or 770-386-0608.  He has his multi-faceted counseling practice of over 30 years in Cartersville, GA.  His ministry is literally nation-wide due to his traveling to U.S. military bases, and his hosting of various national teleconference trainings and seminars on many relational and personal issues.