Gratitude for Military Servicemen

In 2010, our youngest daughter had the opportunity to study and travel in Europe for the winter semester of her Junior year. Lee University has been hosting this trip for 20 years (among other trips) and it seemed like a great opportunity. Most of the time was study based at Cambridge, but much of the British Isles were included in their study.

At the end of the time in England are 2 weeks of "Independent Travel" anywhere in Europe, which the students have to plan, present for approval, and then execute. Her team was the first in 20 years to be able to design a program that led them through many major cities, but most importantly, to her goal of reaching Athens, Greece.

Communication was limited, she didn't take her phone or laptop, but used a shared computer the University provided. The group one day toured the American Cemetery at Cambridge, a 35 acre property donated by the University. It is truly a beautiful setting, of over a dozen American cemeteries in Europe. In one email, there was a statement that caught my attention. One of the tour guides at the Cemetery said that English citizens "adopted" American servicemen's graves, tended them, placed appropriate decorations at every American holiday, and passed this "adoption" down in the family through their wills. Hmmmm... that never comes up with our attorneys or financial planners, and my dad and 3 Bandy aunts were veterans of WW 2 !! She reported that there was actually a WAITING LIST of English citizens who cherished and wanted the high privilege of tending an American grave.

Curious to know more, I emailed the American Cemetery at Cambridge, to verify and understand this concept I'd heard of before: adopting American grave sites. Indeed, within 24 hours I received an kind and informative email response from the Director. He confirmed all our daughter had heard, with some clarification: "We do have a few graves at present available for adoption (of the thousands there...it's worth the time to see the amazing tribute in stone and chapel on the website.)" But just the week before, a couple from Holland had flown over to Cambridge to "adopt a soldier", because all of the grave sites in the Holland American Cemetery were taken.

In case your European geography is shaky, look at a map, and see that Holland is NOT next door to England! Travel is available by water, rail, or plane (their choice) but this is no small undertaking!! In adopting this American Soldier's WW 2 resting place, they are committing to travel several times annually from Holland to England, on US holidays like Memorial Day, the Fourth of July, Victory in Europe Day. They will place something in honor of this man or woman who came over and served 3, 4, or 5 years until death. And because this privilege is so meaningful to them, it is legally possible and very common for this adoption to be passed to the next generation in that family, along with the other prized family "belongings."

The implications of this to me were Stunning. The War in Europe has been over 75 years. These people who are adopting cemeteries probably do not have any family members left alive who served in the European theater of operations. They have no way of knowing who these men and women are who came across the Atlantic 80 years before with a song, "The Yanks Are Coming, The Yanks Are Coming, and We Won't be Back Until it's Over, Over There." (Most of them would have arrived on the majestic Queen Mary, the largest and fastest ship in the world at the time.)

4 of my family members are World War 2 veterans. I seldom visit my own parent's grave sites. (I just know they AREN'T THERE, it's just a memory spot down here of their life.) I live 15 minutes from a National Cemetery... I once decided to detour and visit the cemetery, which is accessed by a 4 lane highway. After what seemed like a mile, with nothing visible but the grass and rolling hills, I turned around and continued my trip.

But this week in Europe (and it won't be on any news media that you can find), thousands of citizens who speak a language I cannot understand, will be streaming to the dozen plus American Cemeteries to pay tribute to "their" American soldier. Why? Gratitude, simple, deep, moving gratitude. Because those peculiar cigarette smoking, chocolate dispensing American servicemen saved their lives, saved their country, from one of the most dangerous enemies the world has known. While In the USA, we'll make sure we have a flag flying, and try to have a BBQ gathering or pool party with friends, across the "Great Pond" will be thousands of people honoring those servicemen in a way that make our celebrations fall far short.

Not everyone is so grateful, it's true. Some years ago our Vice President was in France (bless their hearts) and one of the cabinet ministers was railing about American military still being in Europe, and requested that ALL AMERICAN soldiers be removed from the continent. For whatever you might think of then Vice President Dick Cheney, I loved his quick reply: "Sir, would you have us empty our cemeteries as well?"

Gratitude, simple gratitude.... for some unknown soldier, coming to save an unknown people who could not save themselves. The implications are staggering, just in terms of national appreciation (or lack there of.) But the spiritual application is more gripping. Just having been to a Lord's Supper service: "do this in remembrance of ME," I think my appreciation was pretty skimpy, compared to our European cousins.....many of whom no longer acknowledge any "faith" at all. But they are grateful for servicemen who had an American flag on their shoulder, for they know what freedoms they have were guaranteed by a sacrifice of blood, and giving of life!!

American Battle Monuments Commission

www.abmc.gov

My FATHER'S Will

Doing My Father's Will:
30 years ago in October, I received a short phone call after church that my father had died. That event, coming 15 years after my mother's death, opened a rather challenging life story. When my mother died, after years of emotional (mental illness) I said out loud to the ceiling, "the nightmare is over." When my father died, my mental response was: "the nightmare has begun again." He left a business of rental property, and I knew that would be complex to operate from a mile away. Three days after his death, he had an appointment for a physical that would have guaranteed an insurance policy that would cover all the final expenses and inheritance taxes....

So, I became sole executor of my father's estate, upon probation of his will "in solemn form". The new executor immediately engaged a recommended attorney to help navigate the tricky business of "settling the estate." From them I learned the one page will was not what it should have been, and measures were taken to insure that I could properly do my 3 duties as executor: "Marshall the assets, protect and advance the assets, and distribute the assets." Seemed overall simple enough.
At the same time, I also became fiduciary of my father's estate: I was the money man, in change of financial matters. I also became the trustee of the estate, the person/entity who is the legal signer of all documentation, as if my father were still living, doing business himself. Finally, from the will itself, I was already an "heir at will".... designated as one of those people to whom the executor side of me would someday begin distributing the assets of the estate. It's not been all that easy.

Thankful am I to the person who told me: "you will not believe what will happen, what you will face, with people where money is involved." I have been sued by someone whose deed from my father on a piece of property had an error by a careless surveyor... after $6,000 legal fees, the attorneys advised: "there is indeed no merit to their claim, but you might as well quitclaim now, lest this become the most expensive piece of property in the County." (In other words, "you're stupid to keep paying us!"). I have had to collect debts owed to my father from those who "were sure he was going to give them a break, he was a real nice guy." "Yes, I knew the man, too. He never mentioned any adjustment. He's dead, but I am not, and he would have requested payment. "

So for 30 years, longer than I actually had conscious knowledge of the man, I have tried to faithfully execute my father's will. It has not always been easy, and has probably the one thing in my life that has been the biggest test sometimes. When the CPA who was to do the 706 kept procrastinating completing the "Death Tax Return", I had to drive to his office, collect the papers, and do it myself. (Don't EVER try that!) Much to my surprise, the estate was NOT debt-free, and the funds on hand were not sufficient to pay the final taxes. Thanks to a local banker's trust, the executor was given a loan of $25,000 in 19 days on a house in another county they had never (and have never) seen, in order to pay the taxes. (Thankfully, under President Ronald Reagan, the ceiling on inheritance taxes was raised dramatically, and future executors were not placed in the same challenging circumstances.) One heir in particular kept asking about "distributions" and I had to explain there were no funds to distribute, that the bills and taxes were absorbing all the income. I finally had to ask, "you weren't planning on his death, were you?"

Recently, upon preparing the 25th tax return for the KRB estate, the CPA just asked me if we were going to have a "silver celebration" of 25 years of business of the Kenneth R. Bandy Estate. I replied, "No, that would be celebrating the 25th anniversary of my father's death, and I don't believe I'll be doing that." He was horrified when he realized what he'd said, yet I thought it was HILARIOUS, and knew father would have found it quite humorous as well. It may be the highest and lightest point of this adventure, and I have enjoyed re-telling that story! (The CPA is still not yet over his embarrassment!)

SOOO, as best I know, as best I could, even 30 years removed from a conversation with my dad, I have done what I thought was right, and what he would have done if he were in my unique position. Until I file final papers with the Judge, the KRB estate continues to function.

A more important question keeps coming to mind, that I'm not so sure about: Have I been as faithful about my FATHER's WILL, as I have been about my dad's? Everything about my dad's estate will eventually be nothing, with the rest of this world. It's a question that will not go away: Am I fulfulling my obligation and calling, to execute my FATHER'S WILL?

Big Green Miracle Brother

In 1986 my brother's wife called me, and told me that Roger was in the hospital, he had experienced a fall and injury working his 2nd job on Saturdays. He was primarily a lineman for an independent telephone company in North Georgia, and his Saturday job was also working on poles, but instead servicing or installing cable TV lines. I had something "important" that day, and thought I would go to the hospital the next day. It was over an hour to the John L. Hutcheson Memorial (Tri-County Hospital) in Fort Oglethorpe, and I needed several hours to set aside for the trip.

It was not till a 2nd phone call that I learned the seriousness of his injury... of course, falling off a telephone pole SOUNDED serious, but his wife's voice had seemed so calm, I wasn't really concerned. "You'd better come, he's on a ventilator." To this day I hate those things...

It was not till arriving at the huge, sprawling complex of one of the decades long "finer" trauma hospitals in that area that I learned his "diagnosis and prognosis." The pole he was working on was rotten, and had broken. When it fell, he, being strapped to it, was able to ride it safely to the ground (good).... and then it bounced, and landed on top of him. Not good. He was crushed in the middle part of his body, hips and ribs had become shrapnel that shredded tissue and organs in his abdomen.

I've never seen, in decades of hospital visits, anything like his situation. There were 5 tubes and portals (a clavicle) pumping or dripping fluids into his body, and 4 draining things out. The ventilator was making it's continuous sounds, but he was completely oblivious in his medical unconsciousness. I did not know that his team of three doctors had already determined that he would die. Slowing the 4 realizations: he would die of lung failure, since they were so damaged. Or he would die of kidney failure, due to the injuries received. Heart failure was imminent, due to the damage to so many blood vessels, and the stress. Or the infection from all the ruptures in his digestive system, similar to anunchecked appendix rupture, would take his life. The doctor team had decided NOT to do any surgeries, it was simply be useless, and torture his body more. He would die, slowly slip away. Hour by hour we watched, and waited. A nurse sat on a stool beside him 24/7, monitoring every device in the room. I remember crying on my bed, a praying a simple prayer: "Lord, I have buried 2 (mom and dad) I cannot bury another one right now."

There was also a curious complication... since he was working on a second job, his health insurance was balking at paying for his hospital care!! Finally they were persuaded that "insurance is insurance" and they had to step up. And then, a more 'curious' complication. He kept on "NOT DYING!!" Every day was not his last, it was his next!! The team of doctors decided they had to start some repairs in different areas. Can't let him mend like he was! Each surgery helped. But the crushed pelvis was very challenging, bones splintered and... no reasonable way to repair. BUT, there was a young doctor on his first assignment there, freshly returned from Switzerland, having learned a new technique of setting bones from the outside in. This procedure had never been tried in the USA, but it was the only option.

So, if you've ever seen Tinker Toys assembled in wild fashion, this became their plan, and it's gruesome. Drill through the flesh into the bone fragment. Screw a stainless steel rod into each fragment. With slow, time-taking brute force, shift the fragments together like puzzle pieces, so they can mend together. Then all the rods on the outside are bolted together like a child's wacky science project. And it worked! He was written up in the New England Journal of Medicine. Thankfully the stuff was covered most times by a sheet, and he looked like he hugely pregnant. He was slowing brought back to consciousness, and could move enough to communicate by touching letters of the alphabet.

Weeks passed. One Sunday afternoon some men from his work came to visit his wife in the waiting room, and I thought that was very nice of them. His wife was sobbing, I thought touched by their kindness. Then she shared the conversation: Because my brother had NOT CALLED IN to the office for his 30 day absence, he was going to be terminated the next day, including all benefits!! WHAT?? I'm sitting 20 feet away, smiling inside at how nice to take Sunday afternoon to visit the hospital, and these guys are terminating a 20 year employee in the CCU, projected still to die, because he hasn't made a phone call?

Thankfully, the union he was a member of stepped in, and explained the possible scenario for the company should they proceed with termination. They backed down from their "proposal." Meanwhile, my brother, greener by the day, still continued to "not die" (had 2 young sons at home) which created continuous medical challenges to repair organ by organ, muscle by muscle, bone by bone. Months are now ticking in ICU. And he keeps improving! Still, ever other time I visit him, I have to step out and drop my head to my knees, to not faint from the horror of what my eyes are seeing.

He was eventually moved to the Rehabilitation Unit!! Sitting up in bed, Lisa and I visited one evening, and he was talking, smiling (still bolted together!) and eating some soup. Then, frightening to me, all the lights went out, and every hum in that hospital went quiet. I prayed "Lord, after all he's been through... don't let him die for a power outage!!" I looked up, and realized that all that equipment was really gone from his body... then I thought of the 30 bed CCU where he had lived, and thought how all of those critical patients would quietly slip away. Yet not a life pump beeped in alarm, no crepe soled nurses ran down the corridors, just all quiet.

Then through the open window, I could hear a sound that reminded me of bulldozers coming up to full throttle under a heavy load... The UPS system was coming online, and full power was immediately restored in that massive complex. Even the fluorescents came on. When disconnected from the TVA power grid, the diesel generators automatically responded, and took over the entire complex... I tried to climb through the window, I wanted to see this "one more miracle!!" I looked up to my brother again, and he was picking out carrots from his soup: "Who would ever put sliced carrots in tomato soup?"

What the Lord spoke to me, and the lesson I learned through all this, was like an audible human voice from the Lord: "Tom, when you get to the point of disconnect from THIS world, and all that you see and depend on, and worry about, you'll be able to see that MY POWER is already there, fully available, more than fully capable. You choose."

If you see my big brother today, and walk behind him, you will see a little "shimmy" in his walk, but walk he does!!! Much older than me, he approaches 70, and IS STILL WORKING for that same phone company!!

No matter how bad things get, there is always HOPE. "Never Before," is God's invitation to: "Watch Me Work." What are the chances of a doctor just returned from Switzerland with knowledge of a new technique ending up via New York City in Northwest GA? How many people survive 4 medical death sentences at the same time? How many people keep their job, when the bosses and board have decided to fire them? How many people get their story written up as a "first" in the New England Journal of Medicine? And how do you replace an audio/visual lesson from the Lord: "When you're ready to make the change from this world's power to MINE.... it's here, and I'm ready and ABLE. The GRID is not the power source, I AM!!"

Marine Tribute: Semper Fi!

Marine Tribute: 

Grateful for The Faithful!

You have seen them on the beaches
Where they’ve landed on the shore,
Almost always on the Forefront,
When the Country goes to war.

Parris Island serves as midwife
For these sons who stand so tall.
Ever ready, always training,
For whatever task may call,

Homeland, grateful, awes them proudly
As they serve across the seas
Under Foreign suns or friendly,
Facing foe, harsh clime, disease.

Battles deadly, sore, with evil
They have fought without defeat
Never leaving comrades wounded,
Never calling for retreat.

From the books of history’s pages,
They stand out, so Few, so Proud
From the tongues of warrior sages,
Hear their exploits told aloud.

“Did you know one?? Have you met one??”
“Oh, Yes!” proudly answer I,
And I know he lived the motto:
“Always Faithful” – Semper Fi !

In honor of all our faithful Marines
© Tom B. Bandy tbandy523@comcast.net
3/5/03 770-548-3020

Europeans Honor American Cemeteries

Our youngest daughter studied a semester in Europe her Junior year at Lee University, winter of 2010. The group toured the American Cemetery at Cambridge, one of over a dozen of our WWII cemeteries in Europe. The guide mentioned that English citizens may be on a waiting list of up to 2 years to have the privilege of tending an American serviceman's grave site. Once this "privilege" is received, ...it is passed down through that family by will, as long as the heirs desire it.

I was stunned! Seventy years after one of these men/women in American uniform died, English citizens want the privilege of placing flags and flowers on majot American holidays, for people they've never met?? It had been years since I visited Arlington or any of our home-based National Cemeteries. I emailed the head caretaker to ask more...he kindly responded back.

Indeed this was all true, except that at that time, the Cambridge Cemetery actually had a few graves available to "adopt." Just the previous week, he said, a couple had flown from Holland to England to adopt 2 gravesites, because all of the gravesites in Holland were "taken", and the waiting list was too long. This meant that on every major American holiday, they were committing to fly to England to place flowers and flags on these 2 gravesites, and wanted to pass that privilege down their family line. After 70 years!! I was humbled, and embarrassed by my own lack of appreciation.

When Pearl Harbor was bombed and President Roosevelt spoke about that disaster as Congress declared war on both Germany and Japan. FDR said, "This is a day that shall live in infamy." Winston Churchill, having lead England through weary years of resistance and response to night bombings is known to have said, "Now we shall win! Now we shall win!" Obviously, some European citizens take their gratitude to American military service personnel very seriously. Maybe we should take a hint....

ScreamFree Marriage - Paperback!

ScreamFree Marriage has been available in hardback for some months now. I've enjoyed using the video program with my premarital coaching couples. All seem to find it helpful, and are always grateful for any problem prevention measures! One thing a soon-to-be married couple notices is that they can see how other married couples are interacting (or not) and ScreamFree has some answers and insight into those established relationships. Sometimes a partner has seen some patterns at home, or in larger family context, and KNOWS they want to learn new methods of "Calming Down, Growing Up, and Getting Closer". Now this quality product is available in paperback directly from ScreamFree. com. Follow this link to learn more about and purchase the newly titled The "self-centered" Marriage: http://www.screamfree.com/site/PageServer?pagename=sfm_landing_page

Genesis 37:15 "Between"

I woke early, my mind singing “In The Bleak Mid-Winter”… Gloucester Cathedral Choir - In the Bleak Midwinter http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRobryliBLQ

I love using this Genesis 37:15 verse (Amplified) with friends and my younger brothers; maybe their “must have” college class closed out, maybe their A became a C from the final, maybe mom/dad has said, “Grow Up, Get Out”, maybe 1/2 of 3 different jobs is still not enough. Genesis 37:15 is just an iReport from Canaan, zooming in on the life of one of Abraham’s great-grandchildren.

Joseph, on his first errand for father, had a misadventure. And there were more ahead: the bottom of the well, and the bottom of Egypt’s jail.

Yet he was headed to being the trusted household manager for Pharaoh’s head of Secret Service (Potiphar – that’s what his job was!). He was also headed toward being the 2nd most important leader of the largest civilized society of the time. He would show himself as being a veritable genius in both agriculture, logistics, and inventory control of the food supply in Egypt. A negotiator of peaceful internal and external affairs he became, engaged with serving millions of people.

So what was Joseph doing on this early assignment in life, depicted in the Amplified Version of Genesis 37:15? “… lost, wandering in the fields”. Doesn’t sound too fruitful, does it? (Perhaps the man who asked him a question was a Life Coach!)

Been there, I have. He was making absolutely NO progress, with all his useful, youthful energy and freedom and ability to travel in ANY direction.

Bottom of the well? Put there deliberately by those who would have Joseph gone forever, (and would lie to their own daddy about it.) Yes, still have my ticket stub somewhere from that ride!! Bottom of the jail? Put there by lies, deception, accusations that were as deliberate as they were untrue. I’ve visited there, truly have… if you haven’t yet, well, it’s coming!

So, if it seems like a “bleak mid-winter” time to you, maybe Joseph’s diary will give some comfort!!