Sometimes people ask me how my cousin from Rocky Face is doing, Miss Minnie Warehouse. Oh, she's fine, as always. Due to some great work by some masterful audio/video/website engineering by Don R. King, one of her visits to a Tabernacle Church Missions Banquet is now available on Godtube. It's actually on my site,
http://www.godtube.com/tombbandy
Just follow the link, and scroll down a little on the right to my "shared videos". Click on her picture, and there she is!
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Monday, August 18, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
A Few Good Laughs . . . (author unknown)
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
A thief broke his leg falling in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Police were called to a day care where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
A thief broke his leg falling in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Southern Sayings - Language Laughter
Just a few items of Southern Linguistics, mostly from north Georgia:
Oh! That's a Gracious Plenty:
This is when someone is giving you something from their garden, or if someone has gotten more of something than they needed, and is sharing with you. If they offered or included 1 more item, you would have to resist and say: "Oh, no, that's a gracious plenty, keep them or give them to someone else"
Way Too Much:
One more item than a Gracious Plenty.
Do us Just Fine:
This is the right amount of anything, whether you're being given things as above, or out in the grocery store, getting a number of things. Your shopping partner might ask if you don't need a 2nd pack of party cups, and if you had the right amount you'd say:
"No, I think this will do us just fine"
Right Much:
This is actually from lowland Virginia, and Earl Fitchett has used it here for 20 years, so it's Georgian, now! It reflects less measurable or tangible things, and is more about respect, appreciation, gratitude, personal admiration. Can also be an indicator of enjoyment of an event.
"He was tough on us, and some folks didn't like him, but I always thought right much of him"
"The movie was a bit long, but we all seemed to enjoy it right much.
Don't Cotton To That:
A reflection of someone's dislike for a procedure, a person's activity, dress, conduct; or perhaps a disdain for a new law or imposed rule. It is not just a personal preference...it relates to a sincere belief that the "new thing" is not right, and should be corrected.
"That dress she wore might be okay at the beach, but not at Sunday church! Your grandma and me don't cotton to that"
"She told us first it was okay, and then the next girl said they'd never done it, we'd have to rewrite the whole thing; I just don't cotton to that type treatment!"
Hill of Beans:
(Beans in a garden are sometimes planted inside small raised mounds (like some melons), but most of us planted the seeds in a row, down in the ground, and covered them) This saying reflects a measure of something that has little or no value. It generally relects a slight disdain for someone or something from the past, either recent, or distant.
"Everything he promised before the campaign didn't amount to a hill of beans."
"We followed all the instructions that fellow gave us, and what we got out of it wasn't worth a hill of beans"
He's a Snake in the Grass:
This is a pretty negative statement about someone, who once was favored. Unfortunately for the animal kingdom, and reptiles in general, many Southerners feel that snakes of any length or color are dangerous, and most likely deadly; thus, they should be dispatched to their reward as quickly as possible, with whatever garden implement is handy. Obviously, the comparision of an individual to a snake carries similar sentiments.
"He promised all along that he was for our proposal, and then by the time the committee voted on it, he'd talked 1/2 of them into voting 'no'; he's just a snake in the grass!!"
When All's Said and Done:
This is a reference to some generally unknown date or event in which all things men are currently doing will be evaluated, rated, and seen for what they really are. It can refer to the final rewards by the Lord, or it may be used regarding a current election, political debate, public issue, or personal conduct.
"Well, I know that hurt you, honey, but when all's said and done, he'll get what's coming to him."
What's Coming to Him:
The reward and individual will receive for their actions and attitude at the time "when all's said and done"!!
He's Harmless:
This is not a compliment! Most likely to be heard regarding people in positions of influence, or even elected power, when they might be speaking out against something, or complaining. Generally conveys a lack of respect for the individual and for the impact of what is being said. It basically means they are considered to have no positive or negative influence with anyone.
"Yes, I read his letter to the editor, and some might see it; but when all's said and done, basically, he's harmless"
Oh! That's a Gracious Plenty:
This is when someone is giving you something from their garden, or if someone has gotten more of something than they needed, and is sharing with you. If they offered or included 1 more item, you would have to resist and say: "Oh, no, that's a gracious plenty, keep them or give them to someone else"
Way Too Much:
One more item than a Gracious Plenty.
Do us Just Fine:
This is the right amount of anything, whether you're being given things as above, or out in the grocery store, getting a number of things. Your shopping partner might ask if you don't need a 2nd pack of party cups, and if you had the right amount you'd say:
"No, I think this will do us just fine"
Right Much:
This is actually from lowland Virginia, and Earl Fitchett has used it here for 20 years, so it's Georgian, now! It reflects less measurable or tangible things, and is more about respect, appreciation, gratitude, personal admiration. Can also be an indicator of enjoyment of an event.
"He was tough on us, and some folks didn't like him, but I always thought right much of him"
"The movie was a bit long, but we all seemed to enjoy it right much.
Don't Cotton To That:
A reflection of someone's dislike for a procedure, a person's activity, dress, conduct; or perhaps a disdain for a new law or imposed rule. It is not just a personal preference...it relates to a sincere belief that the "new thing" is not right, and should be corrected.
"That dress she wore might be okay at the beach, but not at Sunday church! Your grandma and me don't cotton to that"
"She told us first it was okay, and then the next girl said they'd never done it, we'd have to rewrite the whole thing; I just don't cotton to that type treatment!"
Hill of Beans:
(Beans in a garden are sometimes planted inside small raised mounds (like some melons), but most of us planted the seeds in a row, down in the ground, and covered them) This saying reflects a measure of something that has little or no value. It generally relects a slight disdain for someone or something from the past, either recent, or distant.
"Everything he promised before the campaign didn't amount to a hill of beans."
"We followed all the instructions that fellow gave us, and what we got out of it wasn't worth a hill of beans"
He's a Snake in the Grass:
This is a pretty negative statement about someone, who once was favored. Unfortunately for the animal kingdom, and reptiles in general, many Southerners feel that snakes of any length or color are dangerous, and most likely deadly; thus, they should be dispatched to their reward as quickly as possible, with whatever garden implement is handy. Obviously, the comparision of an individual to a snake carries similar sentiments.
"He promised all along that he was for our proposal, and then by the time the committee voted on it, he'd talked 1/2 of them into voting 'no'; he's just a snake in the grass!!"
When All's Said and Done:
This is a reference to some generally unknown date or event in which all things men are currently doing will be evaluated, rated, and seen for what they really are. It can refer to the final rewards by the Lord, or it may be used regarding a current election, political debate, public issue, or personal conduct.
"Well, I know that hurt you, honey, but when all's said and done, he'll get what's coming to him."
What's Coming to Him:
The reward and individual will receive for their actions and attitude at the time "when all's said and done"!!
He's Harmless:
This is not a compliment! Most likely to be heard regarding people in positions of influence, or even elected power, when they might be speaking out against something, or complaining. Generally conveys a lack of respect for the individual and for the impact of what is being said. It basically means they are considered to have no positive or negative influence with anyone.
"Yes, I read his letter to the editor, and some might see it; but when all's said and done, basically, he's harmless"
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