From the Coaching, Counseling, Parenting, and Friend roles I work in, there seems to be a quagmire of problems that affect each person involved in any of the situations in the title.
I have a motto for my single friends: "Take it Slow, Get to Know." "We dated ___ years before we married, none of this came out," is said more often than I wish when the relationship ruptures. Working with a premarital couple, we cover spiritual gifts, passions, values, personality types, many type inventories to make sure each KNOWS the person they are marrying. H. Norman Wright says that "premarital counseling is to help eliminate as many surprises as possible." Don't Skip It!!
If you are single, and roaring to marriage, please take a statistical ssslllooowww down and look: In the USA, there is a 50% chance you will be single again, (after a painful divorce.) What type "singleness" would you like to be experiencing in 5 years?
We're told the divorce statistics are in equal among Christians... but that's misleading. Among church member families where church attendance, Bible study, discipleship, and ministry are part of the life fabric, those families have a much lower divorce rate.
Too often I hear: "This is NOT the person I married, there has been a strange change in the last few years." I always suggest: "Visit your doctor....I have seen a $25 co-pay stop a $25,000+ divorce". We speak of addictions as 'chemical dependency'... we are ALL chemically dependent!! Our body temperature, memory, breathing, blood chemicals, everything is operated by chemical reactions.
I know people who have a physical problem that can render them almost unfunctional.... and it can be defeated by pills that cost $3 for a year's supply! No matter how great you feel, or young you think you are, our bodies change over time...and you just don't know what's going on inside without some testing, okay?
There is a lot of pain in divorce. God said, "I hate Divorce." If marriage is symbolic of Christ's love for the Church, His Bride, then divorce is an insult to that picture that means so much to Him. I have many friends and family members who have experienced the pain of divorce. It's no fun to walk with them and see that pain. The recovery for children as well as parents can take quite a while. Some people advise waiting 5 years before remarriage, and I've have friends advise that as truth. Dr. Kevin Leman says to single parents: "Till your children are grown, don't consider remarriage"....the stress and possible turmoil is too great.
Hope and Healing abound for any of these situations. Studies like Making Peace With Your Past, DivorceCare, Soul Healing, are all great helps. It can be helpful to talk with a few soul-mate friends, a coach, or counselor, to help you get through some of the tougher times. Bottling feelings is never helpful or healthy... they are coming out!! How a person feels (their perception), is how they are convinced things are!!
At the Relationship Center in Bartow (678-894-6545) there are resources and resourceful people to talk with about problem and difficulties. One of my personal favorite mottoes is "Change the Story" and we get to see it happen a lot. "Adding Hope to Help" is a phrase I learned in high school, and I've been drawing on it's suggestion for years.
No comments:
Post a Comment