Guest Blog: Dick Forbes, MA: "I'm Just Too Good to Be True!"

Status Update: “I’m Just too Good to be True!!”

Recent research, from Jean M. Twenge, PhD and W. Keith Campbell, PhD regarding the rise of narcissism in our culture in their book, The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement is concerning. According to the research, there has been a 67 per cent increase in it over the past two decades, mainly among women. An estimated ten per cent of the population suffers from narcissism as a full-blown personality disorder. The symptoms include: a grandiose sense of self-importance; the belief that he or she is special or unique and in some way better – either intellectually or physically – than others; a requirement for excessive admiration; a sense of entitlement, whether to fame, fortune, success and happiness or simply to special treatment; enviousness of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her; an inability to empathize; an inability to admit a mistake; and haughty behavior or attitude.

What researchers have also identified, and are far more worried about, is what has been described as ‘normal’ narcissism – a cultural shift that has seen even non-narcissistic people seduced by the emphasis on material wealth, physical appearance and celebrity worship.

This research believes that our western culture brings out the narcissism in us. They blame the internet (where ‘fame’ is a click away and I can tell everyone how wonderful I am), reality television (if you have watched any reality TV you know that talent is nowhere to be found), easy credit (which allows people to give the impression of success, only for a while until the credit runs out), celebrity worship, our highly consumerist, competitive and individualistic society (where personal happiness and individual freedoms are pursued above everything else. The narcissist is dumb founded when difficult times happen, it shouldn’t happen to them), and a generation of indulgent parents who have raised their children to think they’re special, amazing and perfect.

According to Twenge, this focus on self-admiration has caused a cultural flight from reality to the land of updated status: "I’m so glamorous.”

We have phony rich people (who actually have massive mortgages and piles of debt), phony beauty (via plastic surgery), phony celebrities (via reality TV and YouTube), phony genius students (with grade inflation) and phony friends (with the social networking explosion).

Dick Forbes can be reached at 770.386.0608 or ForbesCounseling.com

Email: dsforbes@bellsouth.net

Cleaning Out!!

Recently having redone "final documents" (Powers of Attorney, Wills, Healthcare Directives - great thing to keep current!!) it has been stunning to realize how much "stuff" has been collected. Some was kept because "it would be good to have if needed," or "this was great, I might reuse it;" or simply because there was room for it!!

It has been enlightening to look with questioning eyes, and sometimes STUNNING to realize: "This will mean NOTHING to my heirs! It will just be junk they have to toss out, not knowing why it was kept (possibly for 20 years!), what memories are attached to it, or even what it does! They'll think I'm an idiot for keeping this!"

This BBC article has some great tips for the de-cluttering adventure. You may find things get too painful to work with or consider giving away. I found examining and working in an area several times, over time, helped loosen the ties... Lots of things have gone to local charities for resal, or reuse by someone who needs it!!!

The joy of living with less

www.bbc.com

Take your life back to the basics, slash costs and reclaim your time.

Guest Blog: AP 800-Pound Runaway College Snowball

800-pound runaway snowball damages college dorm  

Published February 15, 2014

Associated Press

PORTLAND, ORE. –  Two math majors at Reed College lost control of a massive snowball that rolled into a dorm, knocking in part of a bedroom wall.

No one was injured.

The students began making the snowball last week during a rare snowstorm in Portland, Ore.

Nobody weighed the object, but college spokesman Kevin Myers says it was estimated to weigh 800 pounds or more.

The students responsible for the runaway snowball reported the incident and have not been disciplined. Myers says they didn't intend to cause damage and feel awful about what happened.

A maintenance manager told Reed Magazine it will cost several thousand dollars to repair the building.

One has to wonder: Where is that pesky historical engineer/mathematician who talked about "equal and opposite reactions" when you need him?  At least they didn't break into the cafeteria and "borrow" trays to go snowsledding!!

Guest Blog by Dick S. Forbes: Professional Victims

Are you a Professional Victim or Involved with Someone who is? 

The following characteristics are signs that you may be a professional victim or are involved with one.  (If you are a Professional Victim just remember, it’s somebody else’s fault.)

1) They never acknowledge when they hurt others. They have exclusive rights to the role of “injured party.” When you call them on their bad behavior, they blame, rationalize, make excuses and justify the behavior. “It’s different when I do it.” Blame is assigned to someone else. Just remember, it’s always your fault or someone else’s fault, but never, ever is it their fault.

2) The victim must be victimized. If you’re not an abusive person, they will pull it out of you in order to play the victim script they have in their head. For example, they will do and say things to push your buttons until you finally explode. The professional victim has gotcha! It’s like the old Green Stamps our moms use to collect, you get enough stamps and you can cash them in on their emotional prize. Now they can play the innocent victim to you, the bad guy.  (What a fun relationship this is!)

3) The professional victim never takes responsibility for themselves.  Let me say this one more time, they never ever take responsibility for their behavior. They blame others and circumstances for their failures and short comings. By not taking responsibility, they can blame the rest of the world for their problems, parents, bosses, ex’s, you, siblings, the cashier at the grocery store.  “If only my boss recognized my great talents,” or “I would be nicer to you if you did x or y for me”. It is always somebody else’s fault.

To have a loving, reciprocal relationship with a professional victim is impossible. In a healthy relationship, individuals take responsibility for things said and done. The professional victim feels slighted, angry and never takes any responsibility for their behavior. Let’s say you try to have a reasonable, adult conversation with the professional victim. You will be met with excuses, blaming, rationalization and justification for their behavior, “it’s different when I do it.”

This is who they are, their identity is found in being a victim.  Their life is really being thrown away. It is impossible to have a relationship with a professional victim who holds you hostage through guilt, obligation and emotional blackmail. The professional victim rarely changes, but they can.

Dick Forbes, MA, can be reached at www.forbescounseling.com, or 770-386-0608.  He has his multi-faceted counseling practice of over 30 years in Cartersville, GA.  His ministry is literally nation-wide due to his traveling to U.S. military bases, and his hosting of various national teleconference trainings and seminars on many relational and personal issues.

Bandy Dogwood Ignoring Winter for Spring Presentation Preparation

The Bandy dogwood does not appear to be troubled by the snow that has fallen on it for hours. It shows no concern that an ice storm is approaching that enjoys its preceding reputation of being "catastrophic." It cares not that most public entities are marshaling resources to protect the safety of the citizens and property of one of the largest metropolitan areas of the nation.
No, it seems to have no interest at all in such large and complex matters. It has its own agenda, which is evident from a close inspection of its branches. Though the Bandy dogwood is not theatrical in nature, it is actually following a rigorous schedule for its Spring Production. It has a presentation to make in less than 2 months...and in its 10 years has not failed in being ready for "opening night."
It cares not that its owners and caregivers may endure some difficulty...in the midst of a wintry disruption, it is staying on task, on target, on mission!! The buds are set, for the 'show must go on!!'

Left Turns and Life Mistakes

Recently at a 4 way stop intersection, I came to a full-legal-in-Georgia-stop. After verifying that no vehicles were at any of the other signs, I made my left turn.. 

(Some stop signs concern me, because I have been rear-ended 3 times in 5 years.... I look behind me as much as in front now!!) 

During the turn, I realized that I was NOT at a stop sign, but at a RED light! Cheerfully turning left on RED!

Later the same week, I came upon a Railroad intersection I cross almost daily, often several times.  A sign right at the railroad crossing said: "Road Closed."  A little surprised that there had been no warning, I retraced my route, and took another road that crossed the Railroad with an intersection several miles away.  Glad was I to see that my second route along a major US Hwy was clearly marked: "Detour."  Why, thank you very much!

Approaching the Railroad (Okay, it's a CSX line!) I came upon signage that clearly indicated what my eyes could see, the crossing was: "Closed".... Maybe not to IronMan, but at least to me and the other motorists in front and behind me.  Turning around, I found refuge in that faithful old friend from childhood days, The Eisenhower Interstate System. 

My work/ministry/life brings me in contact with a lot of people who have found themselves at places they did not anticipate, with problems they never prepared for, and with consequences they were not expecting to ever encounter. There are worse things in life, and harder things to surmount, than a closed road, or a misinformed AND misplaced sign. Numerous friends and acquaintances have spent hours, days, years, and thousands of dollars trying to correct or alleviate the problems caused by mistakes made by themselves, or others close to them.

It would be nice if I could say I don't make many mistakes.  It would be nice to know that I was LOTS less fallible year by year.  Nice.... but.....not.....necessary, because:

Me Making Mistakes does NOT Make ME a Mistake!

Ex's and The Exodus

My reading for 2/1/14 was Exodus 15-17.  Talk about “euphoric high!” It startled me how this relates to us when we mourn a former or ended relationship.  Many people speak of the pain of "letting go." We don't like to surrender anything, as evidenced by our unwillingness to surrender to the Lord

In chapter 15 the Israelites are dancing and singing that they’ve been freed from the 400 years of slavery and hard work and disrespect of the Egyptians.  Well, all the way up to vs 21.  Verse 15:22-24 takes an ugly turn, when no good water is found in the desert, and “the people grumbled against Moses.”  That’s real gratitude for you!!  14:25 Moses throws a tree into bitter water, making it sweet.  By verse 27 the travelers arrived at Elim, “Twelve Springs of Water”.  Problem Solved…. Good time to stop talking about Egypt!!

Chapter 16:1-3, they set out to continue the nomadic adventure to "Promised Land."  By verse 3, they are griping and grumbling that they wished they were just “back in Egypt, we had plenty of meat to eat and plenty of bread there.” They just wished they'd died in Egypt, as to have to die now on this trip to some “milk and honey” promised property.  They had NO FAITH whatsoever that God would provide a friend (oops, I meant food) for them on their adventure of following Him.  NOPE, this Guy with the Angels, the Miracles, the Red Sea parting, the defeat of the finest army of the world at the time, the Cloud,  The Fire in the Sky…. (the last 3 blessings you received – oops, just a slip!)…. Well HE just did NOT seem to be able to take care of them….  “Egypt was pretty nice compared to this FAITH deal!!”

So, in 16:4, God starts telling Moses of His meat and bread provision plan.  A little unique, but when you’re traveling light, Fast Food may be the best way to go!!  And so He flies in meat, and dumps “daily bread”…..one verse after they are done complaining….( I don’t know that the point is: “don’t grumble”, because God told Moses in 16:12 He had “heard the grumbling”.)  Maybe it’s a good thing to let Him know how you feel:  Job, Jeremiah, Jonah, (YOU) and a host of others in the Bible did so, and He didn’t seem to take offense.  He did straighten them out, nicely! 

Fast forward to: ScreamFree Living:  “Patterns are powerful, in that they give use familiar stability, even if that familiarity leaves us miserable.”  (Egypt wasn’t REALLY all that great. The Government had ordered infanticide, and “More Brick, Less Straw” as in Exodus 5:10-11…and Pharoah-Health-O-Care was simple: work more, or you get beaten”)  So why the sudden flashbacks PAST all the miracles since then, to the time in Egypt? Well, it was secure back there, and it was all they’d known, and they knew what tomorrow would bring….and they didn’t need a Month-at-a-Glance Planner!!  Life was simple, do the same thing everyday; and you Did Not have to camp out all the time!!

Again, a word from ScreamFree Living: “It is far easier to complain than to change.”

I can’t make this stuff up! It’s in my daily Bible reading, and ScreamFree is in my brain from 6 years of using it!  Take a hint...as a young Pastor friend said to me recently:  "It took one night to get the Israelites out of Egypt.... and 40 years to get Egypt out of the Israelites!"  If you've been delivered from something, (or someone)...LET IT GO!!