The Crazy Train!! by Guest Dick Forbes

Do you ever think you are on board the “crazy train of relationships”? Do you think sometimes "this isn’t what I saw in the display window?  Did I really sign up for this?"  The answer maybe yes!
A crazy relationship leaves you feeling like an unstable, angry person. You soon doubt your interpretation of events and experiences.
Here’s a quiz to find out if your spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend or ex has you on the “crazy train”

• Do they fly into rages without warning over relatively trivial matters like a web page loading too slowly?
• Are you always the scapegoat/bad guy whenever they are frustrated, disappointed or just plain bored?
• Do their friends (that is, if they have any) describe them as a “bully/drama queen?”
• Do they describe themselves as a drama queen/bully? If so, congrats. You found one with a modicum of self-awareness.
• Is her lipstick a little too red or his hair a little too slick? Is it applied like theater makeup and a tad crooked?
• Are they a black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinker?
• Do you lie to your family, friends and colleagues about what goes on at home?
• Do you find yourself making excuses to your family, friends and colleagues for their inexcusable behavior?
• Do you find yourself walking on eggshells around them?
• Do they hate your friends and family and become angry or tearful when you spend time with them?
• Are they pathologically jealous?
• Do they project their feelings onto you? For example, they are yelling and raging and then accuse you of being angry.
• Do they focus solely on their emotional experience while exhibiting little or no empathy for yours?
• Have you distanced yourself from friends and family because of your relationship?
• Do they place you on a pedestal one day only to tear you down the next day? “I’ve never known anyone like you before. You’re so wonderful!” Next day: “You’re the devil! You’re the most selfish person I’ve ever met! You don’t love me!”
• Do they put you into “no win” situations in which nothing you do is good enough and you’re guaranteed to fail?

If you answered “yes” to more than two of these questions, you may be involved with a crazy maker. You’re not alone. They’re everywhere.
Most of the people who ended up in my counseling office were there because they were experiencing stress, depression or anxiety as a result from being in a relationship with an emotionally abusive person.  Ironically, most of the time they were shamed and pathologized into seeking counseling by these people. Never mind that most of the symptoms my clients experienced were a direct result of being in a relationship with an abuser.
If you think you may be involved with an abusive person, good luck. They typically refuse any type of counseling and they never really get any better. If you choose to stay in the relationship, I strongly recommend you educate yourself about the signs and symptoms of abuse, personality disorders and learn some basic behavioral management skills.
Thanks to Dr Tara Palmatier

Dick Forbes can be reached at 770.386.0608 or ForbesCounseling.com 

Email: dsforbes@bellsouth.net

Tear Down This Wall - Transparency.... Guest Blog by Charles G. Jones, Baptist minister of Watkinsville, GA

            “Tear down this wall!”

            These words of Ronald Regan uttered in a speech at the Berlin Wall in 1987 have long been remembered as a gauntlet thrown at the feet of Communism. In a few years the Berlin Wall and a figurative wall known as “The Iron Curtain” both tumbled into the ashes of history.

            Walls are built for many reasons, some are built to keep things in, others for protection and still others to hide something from view.

            Walls can be constructed of soil, block, brick, mortar and stone. Yet some walls are constructed in people’s hearts and minds. These are walls built of fear, prejudice, ignorance and pride. These are the walls which are most often the most impenetrable, especially for those who have something to hide.

            Jesus used the term “whitewashed tomb” and Paul similarly the term “whitewashed wall” to describe people pride fully hiding behind a wall of religion the fact that they were really not very religious.  Jesus said, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisee, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” (Matthew 23:27-28 NASB)

            We all struggle with issues of transparency. Prudence dictates that some things should not be hung on the clothesline for the entire world to see. All of us have done things we are not proud of. But those to whom Jesus spoke were involved in an ongoing cover-up, trying to hide their spiritual bankruptcy behind a wall of self-righteous tradition.

            On the other hand there are the overlooked walls built by those trying to protect themselves from repeated abuse of others. Sometimes that abuse has come at the hands of people claiming to be religious.  I hear them sometimes saying “I’m o.k. with God, it’s the church I have problems with.” Their walls attempt to hide the bitterness, brokenness, resentfulness and un-forgiveness as if to say nothing is wrong, God’s still working here. It’s a cover up, hiding behind a wall.

            Hiding behind either wall is not healthy. Jesus response to those “religious people” who crucified him was “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”

            Jesus response to the broken is “Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.  Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” (Matthew 5:10-12)

            None of us is perfect . . . save One . . . the One who saved us.

            Yet beyond him we . . . especially we who claim to be Christians . . . must tear down walls of self-righteousness, fear and pretension.  We must replace them with bridges of honesty, transparency and grace.

            Then and only then will we become the people God can use to touch those who are walking in darkness, hiding behind their own hand hewed walls of fear or pretension.

Rev. Charles G. Jones is a Baptist minister who lives in Watkinsville, GA.